so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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