I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
