She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
