i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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