I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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