So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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