it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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