We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Holy sore nipples Batman
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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