Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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