he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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