my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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