I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
