his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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