when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
