Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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