i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize