you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
