can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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