Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
