Non-Jews are for practice
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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