i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
