Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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