he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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