I want to have your abortion
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
NoShamevember. You game?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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