i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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