I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
