FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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