I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
