This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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