found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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