I think I just saw someone hide a body.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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