had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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