Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish there were birth control emojis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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