you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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