I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
