Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
