your thong is hanging out like whoa
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
