i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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