i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
