dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
