apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
