Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
