hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
