Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
