My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
