i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want to be your penis for a week.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
