Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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