her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
