I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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