worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
