if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
