Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
