God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
