I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
