Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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