I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This baby is an asshole
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
