We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
