Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
