You really coming over, don't trick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
