Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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