i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
