I wish I only lived at night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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