11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
