this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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