so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just gargled with NyQuil
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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