ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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