Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I did not marry a roomba.
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