Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
