Those balls look pretty dangerous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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